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A lot of the principles are obvious, but let's be honest. Am I going to apply any of them to my life? Nope. Reading between the lines and paying attention to the biographical details you realise that Carnegie never was a successful salesman himself. Success only came late in life when he was teaching an evening school class on the topic of how to win friends and influence people. His students would share their stories about changes in thinking or attitude which had changed their lives, these then made their way in to the book. Once the book was published readers would send in their own stories which were added to later editions. I have come to the conclusion that there is only one way under high heaven to get the best of an argument—and that is to avoid it. Postpone actions to give both sides time to think through the problem: Suggest that a new meeting be held later that day or the next day, when all the facts may be brought to bear to preparation for this meeting, ask yourself some hard questions.
Take the case of a man named Mr. Wesson, who sold sketches for a design studio. He failed hundreds of times in getting one of the leading New York stylists to buy his sketches. One day, he tried a new approach. He took several incomplete sketches to the stylist and asked how he could finish the designs in such a way that the stylist would find them useful. The stylist offered his ideas, Mr. Wesson had the sketches completed according to the buyer’s ideas, and they were all accepted.We should endeavor to make people feel important by our words and actions. In that way, we can radiate a little happiness to them. Remove [Keleseth's Persuader ] from the [Ornately Jeweled Box ] and use them to "persuade" the Scarlet Crusade into talking.
Your empathy wheels will start turning, and you'll realize that you have an opportunity to be a great mentor to this person. Try to be a positive influence. Think of yourself as your mentor instead off their boss, their friends instead of their parent. Of course, Carnegie had hardly said anything at all. What he had done was listen intently. He listened because he was genuinely interested.
The Ultimate Prospecting Tool Kit
It might sound like a harmless, or even attractive idea in theory, but choosing to apply it in your every day life can lead to dangerous results. Case in point: after being a smiley happy person with loads of friends for about a year, the unpleasant realization began to creep in, that by being so agreeable to everybody else, I rarely ever got my way. I also sustained friendships with people who were self-centered, so talking about their interests was all we got to do together, which drained me of my energy. The worst thing still, is that by trying to find something to like about every person, I completely disregarded their glaring faults. It didn't matter that those people did have redeeming qualities - they weren't redeeming enough! I ended up with a bunch of friends I didn't really want and, because I was so preoccupied with "winning" those friendships I missed out on the chance to form relationships with good people. Buddha said, “Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love,” and a misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, diplomacy, conciliation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other person’s viewpoint. Because of this book’s age, the writing is quaint and charming. Take, for example, this piece of advice on how to get the most out of the book: “Make a lively game out of your learning by offering some friend a dime or a dollar every time he or she catches you violating one of these principles.” A lively game! How utterly delightful. Crusader says: Argh... The pain... The pain is almost as unbearable as the lashings I received in grammar school when I was but a child.
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