Daring To Take Up Space

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Do you not notice it when stress accumulates in your system until you become completely burned out? Once, this had been the life I’d wanted. Even chosen. Now, though, I couldn’t believe that there had been a time when this kind of monotony and silence, this most narrow of existences, had been preferable. Then again, once, I’d never known anything else.” You have the right to be imperfect and accepted for who you are, even if you have flaws and limitations. When others criticize you unfairly, you must learn to defend yourself. At the same time, accept compliments graciously. You could say “thank you” or “I value that,” but refrain from downplaying the praise or responding in a self-deprecating manner. This may initially feel unpleasant. You may believe you are arrogant or egotistical, but this is not the case. In contrast, accepting a compliment can mean a great deal to the person who offered it. They would be pleased that their genuine sentiment was taken.

A child is not capable of seeing the big picture. So if your parent had ignored or not paid attention to you, you would receive the message that you were unimportant and did not deserve a place in the world. You might also have justified your parents’ behaviours by assuming it was your fault that they neglected you. When these feelings and beliefs crystallize and are brought into adulthood, they can significantly hamper your ability to take up space and be confident and assertive. There is no such thing as a child who hates to read; there are only children who have not found the right book.”of 5 stars 2 of 5 stars 3 of 5 stars 4 of 5 stars 5 of 5 stars Daring To Take Up Space by Daniell Koepke This is for anyone who needs a reminder that you deserve to take up space in the world and that you are enough.

When traumatized children enter an unfamiliar space, they become extremely cautious and vigilant, watching for any sign of threat and vigilantly observing their parents’ reactions. Even if they get permission to play, they do not know what to do in a vast open space without instructions. Never say 'I can't.' 'I can't' is a limit, and life is about breaking through limits. Say 'I will' instead.” Fields, J., & Payne, E. (2016). Editorial introduction: Gender and sexuality taking up space in schooling. Sex education, 16(1), 1-7.In addition, children of narcissistic parents may have difficulty asserting their own needs and desires because growing up; it was never about them. Whenever they express their needs, they are punished. So even as adults, they feel a compulsive need to always pander to others. We are born with the innate ability to take up space, and the right to do so, but not everyone feels capable of doing so. Do you always try to shift the focus onto others when you are in a conversation or a group, to try and not talk about yourself? To learn to take up space, you must also recognize your inherent worth as a person, regardless of what you can do or achieve. Once you have a strong foundation and recognize your intrinsic value, you can accept love from others.

Some people may believe that taking up space is "selfish," but it can be a sign of healthy strength and self-assurance. Feeling accepted and valued for simply being ourselves can be a profound experience because it allows us to connect with others deeply. Thinking we are only loved for what we can do for others, however, frequently requires us to perform or please others. The truth is that many people who have been told that they are wrong or “too much” have developed a strong negativity bias— they almost always hear only the negative and blow it up, neglecting other factors.Wells, M., & Jones, R. (2000). Childhood parentification and shame-proneness: A preliminary study. American Journal of Family Therapy, 28(1), 19-27.