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Kids who are punished through corporal punishment are more likely to misbehave in the future, according to some studies. Of course, in longitudinal studies of those children, it’s hard to know how much personality/self discipline play into these decisions. Make sure you have a short explanation of what the problem is. The problem statement has to be short and touch on how that problem affects you as the parent. Simplicity is key at this stage. The classic business statement is: “I’m not sure we’re asking the right questions, solving the right problem.” Toddlers need to be told a thousand times. Children under two have difficulty internalizing your directives. Most three-year-olds begin to internalize directives so that what you ask begins to sink in. Do less and less repeating as your child gets older. Preteens regard repetition as nagging. 19. Let Your Child Complete the Thought When your kid does something wrong, instead of getting mad or punishing, ask the kid what to do to fix it (102-103). The problem is that kids often enjoy the fixing as well as the destruction/mess. So there is no incentive for them to not cause the destruction/mess in the future.
Praise descriptively; hold a mirror up to themselves. Children and coworkers are self-centred because they can only experience reality through their own perceptions. This book is broken up into a number of different sections. How the Book is Divided First Section: Basic Tools to Help Parents Cope If your kid can’t consistently use the potty, give her a diaper vacation (189). Just hope that she volunteers to wear underwear again and doesn’t regress. Praise generously, but wisely. Be specific and descriptive when doling it out; instead of “You’re a great artist!” try “I like how the zig-zags follow the squiggles — how did you think of that?” The good thing about being a parent is that if you blow it the first time, you almost always get another chance.”
Chapter 5 Tools for Kids Who Are Differently Wired … Will This Work with My Kid?-Modifications for kids with autism and sensory issues 163 Practical Solutions for Everyday This book is a treasure trove of practical solutions for the everyday challenges parents face. From handling tantrums to navigating bedtime battles, it provides actionable strategies that can be applied immediately, making family life smoother and more harmonious. Advises not punishing kids. “Can you remember being punished as a child? Did it inspire you to change your bad behavior” (88)? Yes, it did for me! And it did for many other kids I know! If a punishment doesn’t work, it’s because it isn’t harsh enough for the kid to care. Summary of Mission economy: Moonshot guide to changing capitalism by Mariana Mazzucato April 2, 2023
I can see that you don’t want to hold my hand. It makes your fingers feel squeezed. Let’s solve this problem…” Painting visual pictures in the minds of your audience will get them far more into your mindset and ideas then otherwise. Visual hooks are a powerful persuasion technique. Pretending to fly in public might be embarrassing but it beats yelling at your kid! Reading this book, I’ve felt really guilty. All the things in this book that they’re telling you NOT to do, are exactly what I was doing before. I was using rewards, I was using threats, I was using the timeout corner. I was using all these different methods and still pulling my hair out because they weren’t working. But I love how this book also sympathizes with the parents. The authors are parents as well and have been in your shoes. They tell you that it’s okay to be angry from time to time, it only means you’re human. They reassure you that it’s not too late to instill these new rules to create a more loving and trusting household. I enjoyed the chapter on giving praise, and learned how descriptive praise is best, and sometimes a general “you did great” when they did not is a little anxiety inducing.So you have an example of a kid who doesn’t want to take a shower because he doesn’t want to wash his hair and get water in his eyes. So you sit him down with a ledger but the kid wants to put down some strange ideas. That’s ok. He comes up with some creative solutions. Parent asks: “what animals do you like shower with?” Child says “A fish!” Parent replies: “Ok which animals don’t like showers and water?” Child answers “Cats!” Parent asks “what about at the swimming pool? How can wash your hair without getting water in your eye?” Child says “I wear goggles at the swimming pool…” Parent answers, “OK then next time you should wear goggles in the bath tub and I can wash your hair!” Give the child choices between two pleasant things that you are okay with, both of which have the end result of you getting what you want (53-57). This one worked for me. The authors are not pretending to give you a 100% working examples, since all kids are different this would be impossible, but rather many-many good techniques and advises. Young children inhabit their own special subcategory of humanity that combines a ferocious desire to actively modify their environment, with the energy of a tornado and the analytic skills of …well, a tornado. Truly the perfect storm.
Instead of saying, “you spilled the milk” you can say “I really don’t like it when milk is spelt”. Instead of being accusatory towards the other person with “You”, you’re saying “I” have a problem with that this technique. This technique is universally effective wherever people are involved. Try it with your kids. Wait for your kid to be calm, then ask the kid to think of some solutions to the problem so it doesn’t happen again (98). I’ve tried this with my kid, and it doesn’t work. My kid just repeats what she wants and doesn’t want to do anything different. I offer suggestions, and she said she doesn’t want to, and she doesn’t care how other kids feel. In an example the authors give, a kid doesn’t like their hair washed, so they come up with the idea to wear goggles in the bath (105-107). It’s a bandaid solution though, because eventually shouldn’t the child learn to take a shower normally without goggles? How are they going to learn if they continue to use this handicap? The kid needs to learn to close their eyes like everyone else. Use a timer so kids know how much time is left for them to do something (59). A timer can also be helpful to tell kids not to come downstairs or out of their room until a certain time (73).If your response to your child’s misbehavior makes them feel bad about themselves, you’ve taken the focus off a situation that can be improved and put it on something a lot more complicated — or did you want to take a deep dive into their psyche while they’re trying to pull the tail off the dog? Another book that puts the child in charge (229), which goes against parental instinct and common sense. Includes advice on dealing with special needs kids (163). Most of the advice (for all kids) is just creative ways to distract kids from their bad mood, or creative ways to manipulate kids into doing what you want. It’ll work on younger or dumber kids, but not older or smarter ones who figure out that all the distraction or manipulation in the world is not getting them what they want. One parent admits, “I’d have had to bite my tongue so hard it would bleed. Part of me thinks all this accepting feelings is making her self-centered and spoiled. I wouldn’t have dared talk to my parents that way” (275-276). That’s exactly right; it does exactly that. Yes, it feels like work to muster up the energy for silliness sometimes, but IT WORKS. Just tonight my kid was having an epic bedtime tantrum, in and out of bed, sitting up in bed, crying... and I was just trying to get him to put his. freaking. head. on. the. pillow. Finally instead of negotiating, asking, threatening, etc., I remembered how he loves this show where they break everything down into "Three Special Steps." So I said, "Okay. There are three special steps for going to sleep. Step One. Put your head on the pillow. Step two. Pull up the covers. What's step three? Eat ice cream?" He immediately got under the covers with his head on the pillow, and started giggling. It was like a switch had flipped. We spent a minute or two talking about ridiculous suggestions for what Step Three could be: Eating breakfast, walking on the ceiling, going to the library, etc... and then he calmly settled down for bed. Again, MAGIC! Or no, just being playful. Tactics for handling shy kids: prepare the child for what to expect before meeting with new people; have the new people be playful with the child but not demanding; give the child tasks to do instead of pressuring her to be social; don’t label the kid as shy; say to the new people that the child will talk or play when ready (313-315). If a kid won’t say hi, ask the kid to wave instead (317). Describe what you see – instead of praising your child for being a great artist, tell him/her what you see and what you like about his/her drawings or pictures
Optimistic plans get dashed. Have simple and less expensive disappointments. Setting expectations low is helpful with colleagues. If they surpass your expectations then you will be more grateful and they will feel more fulfilled. But don’t set expectations so low that it seem bigoted. The louder your child yells, the softer you respond. Let your child ventilate while you interject timely comments: “I understand” or “Can I help?” Sometimes just having a caring listener available will wind down the tantrum. If you come in at his level, you have two tantrums to deal with. Be the adult for him. 17. Settle the Listener Oh no, the skin got ripped! That hurts! Good thing skin knows how to repair itself. It’s getting busy right now growing more skin cells to cover that poor knee and make it as good as new. How many days do you think it will take? What kind of Band-Aid should we cover it with?”If you’re in a rush in the morning and struggle to get your kids ready to go in time, put your kids to bed in their next-day clothes instead of pajamas (236).
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