Calm Parents, Happy Kids: The Secrets of Stress-free Parenting

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The basic premise is that kids misbehave because they crave your attention, so the best way to prevent misbehavior is to proactively slather your kid in a ton of attention. Once they've misbehaved, you again slather them in attention in the form of empathy until they feel heard and loved. This book has definitely changed the way I approach parenting. It gives me ideas on how to interact with my daughter and since I've started implementing some of the ideas, there has definitely been a change on how my daughter and I interact with each other. More love and understanding...that's what the entire world needs. The effects of this book will leave lasting effects and in turn change the world. This book has completely changed the dynamic between my three children. If you have more than one child, get your hands on this book. You will be so glad As a mom to 3 under 4 I struggled. This book has helped my home go from a highly stressful environment to a more relaxed home. I understand now what I've to do, my kids cooperate (not all the time) and listen more. I think this book should be a mandatory read and it would change our world. This book snuggles into the bosom of attachment parenting and Alfie Kohn-style resistance to behaviorism without actually using those terms much. And I have to say I pretty much agree with Markham.

Let your child decide what you’ll be doing during this special time (but leave an opportunity for your suggestions as well), Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids has three big ideas: 1. Regulating Yourself, 2. Fostering Connection, and 3. Coaching Not Controlling. Some thoughts on each: I started out this year with "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn, which was an extremely validating and powerful reading experience for me and has been immensely important in our parenting. This book is in a similar vein. It may be more appealing and accessible to people just beginning to explore gentle discipline, because it is softer in its presentation and has much more in the way of concrete examples. (I see "Unconditional Parenting" as being more of a tool to develop one's overall parenting philosophy, with some examples and a few concrete instructions. "Peaceful Parent..." is more of a guidebook, I'd say.) A lot of things in this book resonated with me, and in the few weeks that I've been incorporating the author's techniques into my parenting, I've seen many positive changes. My toddler will now ask for a hug when he starts getting upset, and I've staved off many tantrums with my new, gentler parenting style. I'm a brand new mama and highly interested in becoming a gentle parent. The words of this book resonate with my heart. She helps make my ideal parenting style attainable with clear, organized examples and detailed suggestions. Even though my little lady is still quite tiny, I can use this book now and also 3, 5 and even 10 years from now. I know our copy will be well loved as we learn how to best love our child and future children.My son thanked me this morning for reading this book. He said I am turning into the mom he always wanted. "Even if it means you don't always get your way?" I asked. He replied, "It's easy to learn from my mistakes when you aren't yelling at me about them." I almost burst into tears. This book is amazing, and by reading it I showed him that it is never to late to change your ways. Then! Part 2! Which opens with a statement that children in daycare more than 20 hours a week and/or who start daycare before age 3 will inevitably develop behavioral problems (if your kid meets both criteria, you might as well just set up a drug-rehab-in-high-school fund now), and goes downhill from there. She follows that up with saying that if you HAVE to work, then every second with your children has to be one in which you are giving them your undivided attention (even if you have more than one child, which I'm pretty sure violates the laws of physics). And she follows THAT by saying that "if you have to set an alarm, you're not getting enough sleep" and you're a bad parent for not practicing good self-care. We personally use many ideas from this book, and they really work! In these notes, we’ll share our favourite big ideas, but definitely grab the book for more (especially if you are a new parent).

start with ourselves if we want to make meaningful changes in our children's relationships with each other. The compassion is in Dr. Laura's empathy To truly be in charge means having the power to create lasting and continued growth, not just exerting power or demanding obedience. It means controlling yourself no matter what, so you can better influence your children to make good decisions. I’ll say that again: To be in charge as a parent means controlling yourself so you can influence your kids. This makes for a radical shift, a shift away from controlling your kids’ behavior. Your goal is not to control. Your goal is to influence. Remember, you are not responsible for your children’s responses. You want to continually hold up and respect their ability to make choices, even choices you disagree with. Unless they’re free to make their own choices, they can’t learn the connection between choices and consequences.” Guess what happens when kids don’t feel connected to their most important people in life? They waste their precious energy on gaining attention and approval from parents rather than on age-appropriate developmental tasks. And if they don’t get this affirmation from parents, they become preoccupied with getting it from peers (and the results might be ugly).Following your advice has meant our son rarely has tantrums anymore. Dr. Laura's advice really works and makes being a parent (and a child, I'd say) much better. I don't pretend I am perfect all the time, but she helps me to learn and do better by my son. De-stress. It’s much easier to be a calm parent when you have a repertoire of self-care habits that help to de-stress. Yoga, meditation, walking in nature – whatever makes you happier. Your non-anxious calm presence is the greatest gift you can give to your child. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markhamhas great insights on how to meet children’s needs at different ages and how forming secure bonds helps them as they go through the challenges of growing up.

Despite the popular idea that we need to 'express' out anger so that it doesn't eat away at us, research shows that expressing anger while we are angry actually makes us more angry." -p. 15 scenarios and scripts for how parents can turn conflict into opportunities to build skills, and turn parental dread into meaningful intervention. PeacefulThis book has been so helpful for my husband and I as parents. I read about half of it when my son was very young, but recently decided to start over and finish it. I am so glad that I did! I do gravitate towards the “peaceful parenting” philosophy, but there are other, much better books on the subject (Rest, Play, Grow is excellent, as well as Dan Siegel’s books). I also vehemently disagree with the author’s statement that “discipline never works” - she equates discipline with punishment, while in reality those are two VERY different things (discipline coming from the root word disciple, which simply means “to teach.”) I do agree that punishment (spanking, time outs, etc) rarely work, but true DISCIPLINE (teaching a child to clean up a mess they’ve made, teaching them to fix something that they’ve broken or solve a problem they’ve created) is important and very necessary as a parent! I want to start by saying that I agree with 90-95% of what Dr. Markham has to say. Her thoughts on reducing stress, increasing connection and communication, and empowering our kids very much mirror how I parent my own kids (or at least how I aspire to parent!). I went into this wanting some help to yell less in my interactions with my elementary schooler and it was some help with that, although despite the stated intention of the book, this is largely aimed at the parents of toddlers and preschoolers.

Toddlers don’t enjoy tantrums, their brains are not developed enough to maintain rational control when emotions are high (103) Phew. I realize this review is long but I mostly wrote it for myself, to help me process everything I’ve learned. She tailors her advice for parents who have babies, toddlers, preschoolers and elementary age children. The tone throughout is warm and fuzzy, but I know that her compassionate parenting ideas work. My husband is a master of these techniques, and I'm still learning. Understand how emotions work. That’s why every parent needs to go through an emotional intelligence crash course. In a nutshell, when we are in a fight-or-flight mode, our child (or anyone else) looks like an enemy to us. Once we take our emotions under control (e.g. with a few deep breaths), we react better and take better decisions. Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids focuses on building connection between parents and children. The book has many ideas that can help parents stop yelling and over-reacting and really start parenting calmly and effectively, even during stressful situations. The book is full of insights and information but it's easy to read and actually applicable to everyday parenting, from meltdowns and power struggles to outlining more positive ways to deal with unacceptable behavior.So why the feelings of failure? Well, my kiddo is a teen now, and while reading I couldn't help but see all the ways I could have done better by her and myself. But that is not the book's failing. The book isn't responsible for my past choices - it didn't even exist when my kiddo was born - but I wish it did. Dr. Laura's work has profoundly changed my parenting...I recommend it to anyone who was raised in a home where they were yelled at and/or have become yellers themselves. There is a better, more effective way to relate to and guide our children. The title really says it all. If your child wants to do something that he isn’t usually allowed to do, have a think if there is any way to do it safely since you are there to help him,