Listen: A powerful new book about life, death, relationships, mental health and how to talk about what matters – from the Sunday Times bestselling author ... to Find the Words for Tender Conversations

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Mannix pointed out that all her strategies are rooted in empathy. Her advice reminds us to take our armour off and just be with the person in pain. Overwhelmingly Kathryn Mannix's compassion comes over in this book as it did in the previous one. If I were in a highly challenging situation I know of no one else I would rather have in the room. 4.5/5 Here are five tips she offers to anyone who is faced with leading a challenging conversation. 1. Start with a cup of tea

People sometimes continue to talk to someone they’ve lost as if they are still there. It doesn’t mean they don’t realise they’re dead, or that they’re not processing the loss. It can simply be comforting ritual. We have to keep reminding ourselves that this is not me, this is not my dilemma, this is not my sorrow. If I’m truly empathic I will understand how great the sorrow is for that other person, but it’s still not mine. It’s theirs,” says Kathryn.This is a book about empathy, about supporting people – whether they are your family, friends, or patients. A child coming out to their parent. A family losing someone to terminal illness. A friend noticing the first signs of someone’s dementia. A careers advisor and a teenager with radically different perspectives. Having previously read and reviewed Ms Mannix’s first book With the End in Mind I was very interested to read this book which focuses on the skills necessary to not only listen, but hear. It seems an obviously easy task, but Ms Mannix has illustrated not only the importance of really hearing what is being said, but able to communicate to the speaker that have you not only heard what is said, but understood what is being said and encouraging further discourse. Being prepared also applies if someone catches you off-guard: it’s fine to say, “This is really important and I need some time to think before we have this conversation.” Pace yourself

It requires courage to take the first step – ‘I have some very sad news’. This ensures that the person we are talking to understands we have something serious to say. It gives the person who we are talking to the opportunity to request the presence of another in advance of hearing the disturbing news. Instead of “difficult” conversations, I call them “tender” – and that attitude can make all the difference. Invite, don’t insist The style remains the same: we are working with, not doing to, the other person, acting as partners, working together to keep in step.” This book is, in a way, a guide for everyday difficult conversations, but it has a very clinical approach. Mannix is a doctor, after all, and most of this book focuses on how to deal with illness and death, helping our family and friends when they're afraid as well as dealing with our own feelings.This is one of those books about listening that should be in every school, workplace, every home. It will also give you the confidence in your newly found listening skills to approach friends, family, or even strangers and ask them the three little words that can make such a difference to a person's life: Are you alright? What I loved about the examples shown and Mannix illustrations is the importance of letting the speaker explore their own options and keep their own autonomy. Sometimes asking questions is far more beneficial than offering solutions (which in likelihood the other person has already thought of). I think this would be a incredibly useful book for anyone caring for a loved one who is dying. To be present with them, to have the difficult conversations that nobody wants to have but are necessary; if you’re in that situation, I think you’ll find this a compassionate and necessary book. Some aspects are just good advice. The section of "deathbeds" is something that many folk would probably find a useful read at some stage of life. There is information on dealing with suicide prevention with some worthwhile thoughts. The book is a up to date and looks at the challenges to having difficult conversations that are posed during COVID as well as those arising from COVID. Including her own personal stories works so well, even showing us when she hasn’t used the skills herself, most notably on one occasion when she fails to tell a terminally ill woman she is dying. And it was hard not to be moved by the man determined to shave himself, a finally act of dignity before he died. I really liked the analogy of dancing and conversation - there are lots of different components, and the speaker and the listener can fall into step together.