10 Keys to Happier Living

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As human beings, we have a natural negativity bias – a tendency to focus on what’s wrong and interpret ambiguous information negatively and this can extend to what we focus on in our self. Many of us give more attention and weight to what we’re not good at than we give to what we do well or effortlessly. Yet all of us have a mix of strengths and weaknesses. Taking a strengths focus doesn’t mean ignoring our weaknesses but rather keeping these in perspective and finding ways we can work with or around them. In fact, once we have an understanding of our strengths we can use these to help us develop, manage or mitigate our weaker areas or even reframe them constructively.

How we feel about ourselves can have a big influence on how happy and resilient we are. Accepting that, like all human beings, we have strengths and imperfections, we’ll make mistakes and sometimes fail is an important component of psychological wellbeing [1]. It doesn’t mean we won’t feel bad when we mess up, but we don’t dwell on it as much or beat ourselves up about it. This means we are more able to learn and grow and move on. We are also less likely to feel ashamed and withdraw from others, and it can boost our relationships and compassion towards others [2]. This may be even more important now than ever before. Social media makes it very easy to compare how we feel inside about ourselves to how we perceive other people and their lives from the outside. Yet most of us only post the best images of ourselves online. We may even feel we have to edit or filter our photos to make us look how we think we should rather than how we actually are. We seek others’ "likes" to validate the images we’ve posted and feel bad about ourselves if we don't get enough of these. This can affect us at any age but can be especially damaging when we’re young.Aknin, L. B., Whillans, A. V., Norton, M. I., & Dunn, E. W. (2019). Happiness and prosocial behavior: An evaluation of the evidence.World Happiness Report 2019, 67-86. Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Van Lissa, C. J., Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., &; Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing acts of kindness on the well-being of the actor.Journal of Experimental Social Psychology,76, 320-329. King, V. (2016) 10 Keys to Happier Living – A Practical Guide for Happiness. Hachette. Lyubomirsky, S, Sheldon, K M, &; Schkade, D. (2005). Pursuing happiness: The architecture of sustainable change. Review of General Psychology, 9(2), 111 - 131 Uchino, B.N., Cacioppo, J.T. & Kiecolt-Glaser,J.K. (1996) The Relationship Between Social Support and Physiological Processes: A Review With Emphasis on Underlying Mechanisms and Implications for Health. Psychological Bulletin Vol. 119, No. 3, 488-531 Give yourself a bit of head space. At least once a day, stop and take five minutes to just breathe and be in the moment. Orth, U., & Robins, R. W. (2014). The development of self-esteem. Current directions in psychological science, 23(5), 381-387.

Be comfortable with who you are No one is perfect, yet we often expect ourselves to be! When we learn to accept ourselves we are likely to be happier and better at learning and growing! Reach out to help someone who’s struggling. Give them a call or offer your support. Let them know you care. Dr. Kristen Neff, one of the world’s leading experts in the topic, has identified three key components which combined enable self-compassion: Hefferon, K. (2013) Positive Psychology and the Body: The Somatopsychic Side to Flourishing. McGraw HillOther studies have shown the practice of mindfulness can improve working memory and cognitive flexibility; our ability to concentrate and learn and even boost creative thinking since it encourages an open and accepting attitude. In this book, Vanessa King of Action for Happiness has drawn on the latest scientific studies to create a set of evidence-based practical actions. They will help you connect with people, nurture your relationships and find purpose. You’ll get ideas for taking care of your body, making the most of what’s good and finding new ways to stimulate your mind.

Killingsworth M. A., Gilbert D. T. (2010).A wandering mind is an unhappy mind.Science330932–932 10.1126/science.1192439[PubMed] The good news is research shows we can learn how to accept ourselves more [3]. Developing the skills of self-compassion, a better understanding our strengths, how to use these more, and ways to work with or around our weaknesses can all positively impact our happiness. Feeling good about the future is really important for our happiness. We all need goals to motivate us and these have to be challenging enough to excite us, but also achievable. If we try to attempt the impossible, this creates unnecessary stress. Choosing meaningful but realistic goals gives our lives direction and brings a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction when we achieve them. Neff, K. D., & Costigan, A. P. (2014). Self-compassion, wellbeing, and happiness. Psychologie in

For example: A kind neutral observer might say: “When you were late with that report I could see you felt a bit stupid and embarrassed. You worried what others might think of you. That must have been unpleasant and difficult for you. Remember you weren’t late on purpose. Other people have been late too and will be in the future. It can happen to anyone.” Try to smile and say something positive or constructive every time you walk into a room. Notice the reaction you get. Govindji, R., & Linley, P. A. (2007). Strengths use, self-concordance and well-being: Implications for There is growing attention being given to mindfulness as a potential route to increasing pro-environmental behaviour through improved pro-sociality, reduced automatic behaviour, enhanced well-being, greater connectedness with nature, recognition of intrinsic values, and openness to new experiences. However, as yet, there are few studies directly demonstrating this [33]. Go for a nature walk – even if you are in a city. Take time to notice different shades of green, the beauty of a bare branch or spot birds and other wildlife.

Make three extra connections today. Stop to chat in the shop, wave at a neighbour, learn the name of someone new. Germer, C. & Neff, K. D. (2019). Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). In I. Itvzan (Ed.) The handbook of Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994) Wherever You Go, There You Are – Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, Hyperion. Cited in in Hart, R., Itzivan, I, & Hart, D. (2013) Mind the Gap in Mindfulness Research: A comparative account of the leading schools of thought. Review of General Psychology, 17 (4) 144 Smith, W.P., Compton, W.C. & West, W.B. (1995). Meditation as an adjunct to a happiness enhancement program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 51, 269-273Huppert, F.A. and Yu, N. (2020) The Rise of Mindfulness and its impact on Mental Health and Wellbeing. In Eds. Kirby, J.N, & Gilbert, P. (2020) Making an Impact on Mental Health: The Applications of Psychological Research. Routledge Many of the benefits of mindfulness on physical health may be through the reduction in chronic stress [10] and individuals with higher levels of mindfulness tend to view demanding situations as less stressful and are less likely to avoid dealing with them [11].