You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships as an Adult

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Part self help, part memoir, You Will Find Your People is an incredible read that made me laugh, cry, and think about my past relationships with people. By the time I got home and realized this was a very Christian themed book, I decided to give it a chance anyway. I liked the premise of building community after all. There were some good general things about cultivating friendship such as accountability, putting in the time m, conflict resolution etc. The layout of the book made it easy to read. I actually bookmarked my audiobook for one line: “Empathy is the currency of people who have been there and wish things had gone differently.”

If it’s a group that meets in real life, volunteer your home for a meeting or offer to help out at an event; if it’s one person, invite him or her out to partake in the interest you share. You may feel awkward, but that’s okay. Awkward just means you’re stretching yourself. 5. Be honest and present. The book is all about trying to create "a village," or your community. It is about trying to find real deep friendships. The main narrative device is talking about her move to Dallas and trying to find friends there. The book is filled with personal stories about the ups and downs of that adventure in gaining, keeping, and losing friends.

How to Be Alone is the book I wish I had read in my early twenties. I truly believe it would have saved me a world of pain. The moment I met her I felt like I had known her my entire life. This book will make everyone smart enough to read it feel the same exact way.”— Laura Benanti, Tony Award-winning actress As a musician, Moore is the frontperson and songwriter in the band “It Was Romance,” which BUST Magazine named the Best Band of 2015, and Billboard named one of 16 Female-Fronted Bands You Should Know. While I can’t tell you there’s one right way to be friends with an ex, one way that always works, I highly recommend the following: Know what you need. Know what you want. Ask what they need. Ask what they want. Be as honest as you can. Because anything less is just another heartbreak waiting to happen. And we should strive to spare each other and, more importantly, ourselves, from heartbreak as often as we are able.

It’s not that everything’s perfect and that there are no conflicts or awkwardness, that everyone always gets along or that there aren’t moments of ambivalence where dynamics seem to shift.You Will Find Your People is the groundbreaking guide to making—and keeping—the friends we’ve all been desperately waiting for. In this unflinching, poignant follow-up to her best-selling book How to Be Alone, Moore shows us how to make real friends as an adult, cope with friend breakups, navigate friendships with coworkers, roommates, and family members, and provides real tools on how to create healthy boundaries with friends to deepen your bonds. Through hilarious personal anecdotes and hard-won wisdom, Moore teaches us how to finally work through our fears and past hurts, to bravely cultivate and maintain the lifelong friendships we deserve. Allen walks you through the different kinds of people and friendships, how to get started, how to build on that start, and how to deal with issues that might pop up. So many practical tips and helpful hints are in this book, I know it will be a good reference. I’ve been the awful friend, the horrible one, but I’ve also been the people pleaser, desperate to have a crumb of attention. I hope in recent years, after therapy and a lot of growth and learning, I’m becoming the friend people enjoy having and I enjoy their friendship in return. Take up space with the people you think might be “your” people. Practice being open, saying what you feel, and being present with them. See how they react. The ones who stay with you in those moments of vulnerability, not judging you or criticizing you, are truly your people.

From Lane Moore, the award-winning, critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alone , comes a searingly intimate, yet wildly funny, exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult. One of the biggest strengths of this book was its focus on application. Most chapters had explicit helpful guides on ways to build community. I found myself writing them down and thinking about them more. The book wasn't just platitudes, stories, or even examples of how she did it. Instead there were real good suggestions on ways to make this happen. I particularly appreciated a recurring theme of looking for the people already in front of you. Lane Moore is an award-winning writer, comedian, actor, and musician. She is the host of I Thought It Was Just Me podcast. You write about friendship tropes in TV and film and comment on how wildly unrealistic they are. When did you first realize that the kind of physical proximity and emotional closeness you see on shows like “Friends,” “New Girl” and “Sex a nd t he City” is not ultimately true to life?The essays are whip-smart, pithy, and full of an honest, conversational charm that sets Moore apart.”— Booklist Overall, I loved this book. Jennie does an amazing job of sympathizing with her readers and creating a culture of grace while still pushing us outside of our comfort zones and sharpening us "as iron sharpens iron." I love Lane Moore’s work, which is always funny, vulnerable, and wise, and I appreciate how seriously she treats the project of building a rewarding, secure adulthood around relationships other than the romantic ones we’ve historically been told are central.” —Rebecca Traister, New York Times bestselling author of All The Single Ladies How To Be Alone: If You Want To And Even If You Don’t

I think it's good that this book exists. I think these are important things to think about and know and feel. For me, it just came a little too late after learning about all these things the hard way in my 20s. I think it's great that this book is here for those who haven't been learned these things and can learn them in kinder ways.The kind of yearning I had wasn’t just for Elyse specifically but rather a cute form of self-flagellation in which I would tell myself that she was my soul mate and I blew it. She became my source of comparison for every romantic relationship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.” She also became my source of comparison for every platonic friendship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.” While Moore is delving into some of the most difficult moments of her life, she does it with wit and humor in a way that makes this book an enjoyable read.”— BITCH MAGAZINE We don’t teach people how to do this, how to create friendships, how to nurture them, how to choose better, and then when and how to end them if they’re not working. And because of that, so many of us are just fumbling around, hoping one day we’ll stumble into the friendships of our dreams because we want them, because we deserve them. It’s not that there was anything wrong with my family or my school or the few friends I had, or my neighborhood—not at all. We all had our ups and downs, but we moved on and through it and had good times and bad. But I just felt a deep sense that the people around me were aliens. Or I was.