He's Not Lazy: Empowering Your Son to Believe in Himself

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WILLY: I'm tired to death . ( The flute has faded away . He sits on the bed beside her, a little numb .) I couldn't make it. I just couldn't make it, Linda. Right now I have a perfectly imperfect 19-year-old. Two or three years ago, though, I'd often think: Only one of us is going to make it through this alive. His behavior was maddeningly typical of kids ages 14 to 17: the mood swings, the defiance, the impulsivity that makes them do stupid stuff, the paralysis that keeps them from doing what they're supposed to. If you've got a kid that age, you know what I'm talking about. And it won't be news to you that 2020 didn't help. Last year was everyone's annus horribilis, but many psychologists believe adolescents were hit hardest…

I wish the author wouldn’t have flipped his spot on assessment to making kids be responsible for getting along with the very system that is failing them. LINDA: You shouldn’t have criticized him , Willy, especially after he just got off the train. You mustn’t lose your temper with him. BIFF: I think I’ll go to see him. If I could get ten thousand or even seven or eight thousand dollars I could buy a beautiful ranch.WILLY: They should’ve arrested the builder for cutting those down. They massacred the neighborhood. [Lost.] More and more I think of those days, Linda. This time of year it was lilac and wisteria. And then the peonies would come out, and the daffodils. What fragrance in this room! LINDA ( Trying to bring him out of it.): Willy, dear, I got a new kind of American- type cheese today. It’s whipped. That being said, I wanted to add that "laziness" can also be a symptom of Inattentive ADHD. Inattentive ADHD doesn't necessarily manifest itself as the hyperactivity that's normally associated with the term "ADHD". The Inattentive type of ADHD is what used to be called ADD, and can manifest as forgetfulness, distractibility, or disengagement ("laziness"). WILLY: Me? I didn’t. ( He stops.) Now isn’t that peculiar! Isn’t that a remarkable... ( He breaks off in amazement and fright as t he flute is heard distantly.) There is no question that our achievement-oriented, competitive culture has created a pressure cooker for today’s adolescent. Teenaged boys are extremely sensitive to this stress, and as a psychologist I see its victims daily. Bright and capable boys complain of feeling inadequate and ineffective. But rather than working harder and staying up later, they react to this pressure by shunning their work altogether, propping up their fear-based rebellion with justifications like “I am not going to be one of those nerds who have no life,” or “Tests don’t measure intelligence or help you learn, so what’s the point of studying for them?” They protect themselves by turning to avoidance and denial—the primary coping mechanisms of adolescence.

To be fair, I did get a couple of tips and insights that I will use, which is why I rated the book 3 stars. HAPPY ( getting out of bed): He’s going to get his license taken away if he keeps that up. I’m getting nervous about him, y’know, Biff? A lot of people think that if you have ADHD, then it's an all or nothing thing in terms of focus and distractibility. They say things like, "Well, if he can focus so well on a video game, then he can't have ADHD", or "he's not always distracted, so he can't have ADHD", but that's simply not true. People with Inattentive ADHD can focus, and can even hyperfocus to the exclusion of just about anything else, if the conditions are right. ADHD is what's called an "executive dysfunction", which means that it's a brain-based impairment that impacts a person’s ability to analyze, organize, decide, and execute things on time. It causes assignments to be lost, deadlines to be missed, and projects to overwhelm. WILLY ( Worried and angered.) : There’s such an undercurrent in him. He became a moody man. Did he apologize when I left this morning?

HAPPY: Yeah, but when he walks into the store the waves part in front of him. That’s fifty-two thousand dollars a year coming through the revolving door, and I got more in my pinky finger than he’s got in his head. Is it typical for young teenage boys to be lazy but for them to become more diligent as they get closer to finishing high school? (I would not have thought so, but was advised by someone who is older than me — although not necessarily qualified that this is the case).

LINDA: It was so nice to see them shaving together, one behind the other, in the bathroom. And going out together. You notice? The whole house smells of In He’s Not Lazy, Dr. Price, a renowned expert on ADHD and learning disabilities, explains how to help a boy who is not lazy, but rather, is conflicted about trying his best. Dr. Price will guide you to discover hidden obstacles to your son’s success, set expectations, and empower him to accept responsibility for his own future. WILLY: No, it's me , it's me . Suddenly I realize I'm goin' sixty miles an hour and I don't remember the last five minutes. I'm - I can't seem to - keep my mind to it. All relationships and I do mean all of them revolve around power. This even includes the one you have with your dog. Frankly, I hadn't realized that a book like this needed to be written, but I guess that's my privilege speaking.WILLY: I'll start out in the morning. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. ( She is taking off his shoes.) These goddam arch supports are killing me.

But if it does resonate, and if you want to dive deeper, find a copy of the book Driven To Distraction by Edward M. Hallowell and John J. Ratey. It was their later book "Delivered From Distraction", which is more about adult ADHD, that helped me find my way. WILLY: Oh, won’t that be something! Me comin’ into the Boston stores with you boys carryin’ my bags. What a sensation! The big-picture problem of boys and learning is not news—to the contrary, it’s been the subject of a vast ongoing national discussion, with many education specialists theorizing that boys are at an intrinsic disadvantage in a classroom that discourages the natural tendency of boys to be active, impulsive, and competitive. But where does this leave parents of underperforming teen boys in the here and now? . . . A melody is heard, played upon a flute . It is small and fine , telling of grass and trees and the horizon . The c urtai n rises.It's written for middle/upper class parents who have somehow managed to find themselves with nearly no idea how adolescent development works. They are either raising their first teenager or their earlier ones were angels. They also never spent much time with teenagers.