Wounds of the Father: A True Story of Child Abuse, Betrayal, and Redemption

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Having a father wound often means that you’re carrying some deep emotional pain and trauma with you. While you may have developed coping mechanisms, the reality is that if you’re experiencing self-esteem and relationship problems, you may never have learned to cope healthily. You may also take this a step further and write a letter from your father to yourself where you write down everything you would have wanted to hear from him. It is very possible that he did not have well developed personal abilities, like strong self-esteem, internal balance, acceptance of his mistakes, fears, and own personal shortcomings. Brown says that the ways in which we feel disappointed by each parent are very different from each other, and the ways in which these wounds manifest once we’re adults can look different from one person to the next.

Such statements express regret. But you can’t hold yourself responsible for what didn’t know or couldn’t have done as a child.Related: Forgiving Someone Who Isn’t Sorry: 9-Step Guide To Free Yourself From The Past #7. Seek Support You have not only the opportunity, but also the privilege of coming before God. The maker of heaven and earth, who knows every star by name, and has the hairs of your head numbered. His love for you is immeasurable. Recognizing a mother wound or father wound takes time because you’ve grown up with it as “the norm” in your childhood. But the biggest step toward healing is seeing that your mother or father’s behavior was wrong and that you didn’t like how it made you feel, says Parker. Sometimes it takes seeing other families’ dynamics to realize that your family situation wasn’t okay. Or perhaps you see other signs of a mother or father wound manifesting in your life: feeling like you’re never enough, struggling with intense self-doubt, wanting to be in full control at all times, or inviting chaos into your life. You have the power to influence generations and multitudes. Don’t fall in to the trap of passivity, which is the greatest sin of fathers, husbands, and men. Be a man that reflects the Father’s heart.

By the time a child grows up, it is quite likely that they are able to be aware of many more things. They recognize the effort their mother made to make up for the shortcomings of their father, and how, more than once, their mother excused the actions of their father with phrases like… “You know how your father is”, “Don’t do things like that, you already know your father doesn’t like that”, “You just don’t understand…” Start with facts about what happening during your childhood. Write down all the ways your father hurt you or failed you. Write down about how it affected your life.Chris, your comment is both interesting, but sad and troubling. I’m sorry for the insensitivity and prejudice you have experienced. I’m wondering if you have any further insights to share. The father wound is the deficiency or absence of love from your birth father, whether intentional or unintentional. The father wound and the mother wound are similar in their causes — typically, the result of absenteeism, emotional neglect, abuse, or an unattuned parent or caregiver. A negative relationship with your father can result in you projecting onto your partner as an adult. For instance, if you have unresolved anger toward your father, you may project this onto your significant other.