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This Is How Your Marriage Ends: A Hopeful Approach to Saving Relationships

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Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven't been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust. This is a must-read for people in any stage of a relationship, whether it's near the beginning or nearing the end. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Ends exposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust.

He invalidates the request / tells his wife why she is wrong (e.g., it makes sense for me not to put my cup in the sink or “why does it matter? Is this work getting upset over?”) I now understand that when I left that glass there, it hurt my wife—literally causing pain—because it felt to her as if I had just said, “Hey. I don’t respect you or value your thoughts and opinions. Not taking four seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are.” Is it the most well written book I’ve ever read? No, but it is worth a read. Skim the parts that repeat themselves if necessary. Give it to your hubby. Discuss it. It gave me new ways of explaining how I feel when our relationship inevitably falls into one of the traps humans can’t help but stumble into. Not everyone will identify, unless you deal with pretty conventional gender norms, that’s also worth noting. It makes her seem ridiculous and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations. But it wasn’t the dishes, not really—it was what they represented. The wife feels like he doesn’t about them. O ften, the conversation causes more damage than the actual event, as the wife now perceives that her husband doesn’t care about the pain she is experiencingInvalidation is the key no-no. What is invalidation? Making someone feel less valid. Less human. Less respected. Basically, recognize your spouse is an equal human. Filtered through the lens of his own surprising, life-changing experience and his years counseling couples, This Is How Your Marriage Endsexposes the root problem of so many relationships that go wrong. We simply haven’t been taught any of the necessary skills, Matthew explains. In fact, it is sometimes the assumption that we are acting on good intentions that causes us to alienate our partners and foment mistrust.

My wife knew I was reasonably smart, so she couldn’t figure out how I could be so dense after hundreds of these conversations. She began to question whether I was intentionally trying to hurt her and whether I actually loved her at all. Basically, this books talks about that men need to be ok with losing their man card and that isn't always a bad thing. The stigma need to change. It's not related to being a beta male. Those guys are chumps. And another thing: a very good person can be a bad husband. She knew that something was wrong. I insisted that everything was fine. This is how my marriage ended. It could be how yours ends too. Perfect for a trivia night or a long trip, #TrainTeasers will both test your knowledge of this country`s rail system and enlighten you on the most colourful aspects of its long history. Meet trunk murderers, trainspotters, haters of railways, railway writers, Ministers for Transport good and bad, railway cats, dogs and a railway penguin. This is NOT a book for number-crunching nerds. Many of the answers are guessable by the intelligent reader. It is a quiz, yes, but also a cavalcade of historical incident and colour relating to a system that was the making of modern Britain. How can a good man end up being a lousy spouse? And why do all of us, across genders, do things that can subtly undermine our most treasured relationships? Matthew Fray’s book—at turns sobering and inspiring, heartbreaking and hilarious—gets to the root of questions that can make or break a life partnership. Read it, heed it, act on it—for yourself and for the one you love." — Warren Berger, best-selling author of A MORE BEAUTIFUL QUESTION

That these little, seemingly banal everyday things that seem so inconsequential in the moment slowly kill trust and intimacy when they pile up over the years. Like leaving dishes by the sink? MORE : ‘Anecdating’ – dating for the anecdote – might actually take the pressure off your love life It’s rarely about character. It’s occasionally about trauma and mental/emotional damage from our youth. But it’s almost always about our habits. About the things we do and say and feel on autopilot each and every day, with little to no awareness of what it’s doing to our partners and families. Of what it’s doing to ourselves. I love that he says over again that men are "good men" even when they are lousy husbands. This books is not for you if you're in a marrage to a "bad person". It's for the marrages that don't have a villain.

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