Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women

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If we train young women to believe their most important asset is their appearance … It is no coincidence that when women say things men don't like, the response is often not a critique of their ideas, but a critique of their appear-ance. This is the logical outcome of seeing women as objects instead of as human beings.” An award-winning psychology professor reveals how the cultural obsession with women's appearance is an epidemic that harms women's ability to get ahead and to live happy, meaningful lives, in this powerful, eye-opening work in the vein of Peggy Orenstein and Sheryl Sandberg. If you want to compliment a girl or woman, compliment her on something she can actually control. Reinforce the idea that being hardworking, focused, kind, creative, and generous matter. None of these qualities require any particular body shape or hairstyle. Tell her you notice how much effort she puts into the things she cares about. Tell her that you enjoy spending time with her because she is interesting. Tell her that she inspires you and then explain why or how.”

Once when I was in graduate school, I got a terrible case of the flu and dropped a good deal of weight in a short amount of time. When I returned to campus, a professor said, “You look good! Did you lose weight?” When I responded that I had lost weight because I’d been seriously ill, she just shrugged and said, “Well, however it happened, looks good!” I remember that moment as such a clear example that much of what we claim to be health-based concern about other women’s weight is not at all. It’s nothing more than an ill-disguised bit of buy-in to a culture that says our worth is determined by our body size and that less is always more, no matter how we get there.” I found this to be remarkably sage advice from the author's grandfather: "Never be too proud of your youth or your beauty. You did nothing to earn them and you can do nothing to keep them." Recently I was with friends & plastic surgery came up— one said since everyone is doing it, it’s only a matter of time we do too, otherwise we’ll “fall behind.” Another agreed & said her job depends on it. While I vehemently disagreed, I sadly understood where their thinking came from— we do live in a world where beauty is currency & is often valued above most else. There's a lot of righteous indignation in here, and it gets pretty pretentious. Especially that bit at the end, where she's like "I mean I guess... some women... want to look pretty and they enjoy it... but THINK about it really THINK about it" really rubbed me the wrong way. Though it could just be because I am someone who likes to put effort into my appearance because I like it.Chronic body monitoring is a ridiculous price to pay for fashion, but as women, we pay it all the time in dozens of different ways. I don’t want young women to feel shame about their bodies. I don’t want them to be called sluts when they wear what fashion moguls have decided to be the in style of the season. They should be able to wear whatever they are comfortable wearing. But how comfortable are they? We should have the freedom to dress how we see fit, but we should also have the freedom to be present in the moment. If we are to monitor ourselves, I want us to be able to monitor our thoughts and feelings, our desires and goals, not our appearance.” Would i hate this about myself if i was born completely alone. Stranded on a island. Is a question that i asked myself a lot in 2022. It helped me recognize the absurdity in my insecurities, and helped me with my decision making, moving forward with my life. I love the idea, the message and the stories of interviewees but the writing style of this book is not my favorite. An award-winning Northwestern University psychology professor reveals how the culturalobsession with women's appearanceis an epidemic that harms women's ability to get ahead and to live happy, meaningful lives, in this powerful, eye-opening work in the vein of Naomi Wolf, Peggy Orenstein, and Sheryl Sandberg. Hyper focusing on how we look takes away our ability to be compassionate, to see clearly who we and other people are and what we and others need.

Avoid media that objectifies women and help others avoid it as well. Voice critiques out loud to help children process what is wrong with the media they are seeing, otherwise we allow media and society to perpetuate ideas that women are only as valuable as they look, that looks should be one of the top things they care about, and that it is normal and acceptable to comment on women's looks in ways that it would never occur to us to talk about how men look. The thing is--Engeln had some good ideas, and I think her thesis as a whole is something that is worth looking in to.Do the work to dismantle your own prejudices in this guided workbook from New York Timesbest-selling author and thinker Roxane Gay.