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The story also bored me whenever the author wrote about Anna (unless the author chose to disgust me instead). I only found Stephen's story to be more interesting and I liked him better than Anna. Like Harlow and Bowlby, for me the relationship was the unit. And I've looked at emotion and how it's really communicated — and what people are thinking. Showing people their videotapes and finding out what's going on in their minds. Because we don't know. Also I've been influenced by the whole field of psycho-physiology, which also developed in large measure at the University of Wisconsin. I've worked with Bob Levinson, who's a psycho-physiologist and we've put together these influences. Ekman and Levenson and Darwin and psycho-physiology, and the study of the body and the face and voice and emotion in relationships, and just try to understand the naturalistic development of relationships. How do people respond emotionally to one another? Imagine that the husband does something that is a little bit positive: He could agree with her last point, or inject a little humor into their conversation. This action will have a small positive impact on the wife and make her more likely to respond with something positive, too… [But] if the husband is a little bit negative — like interrupting her while she is speaking — he will have a fixed and negative impact on his partner. It’s worth noting that the magnitude of this negative influence is bigger than the equivalent positive jump if he’s just a tiny bit positive. Gottman and his team deliberately built in this asymmetry after observing it in couples in their study. This book was so boring at most points that I had trouble keeping my brain focused enough to follow the slowly plodding plot. I found myself distracted by Dora the Explorer--Dora for pete's sake! If that's not sad, I don't know what is.
Dr Hannah Fry shows that mathematical modelling underpins everything from the possibility of finding a partner to the number of sexual partners we have in a lifetime' Observer She said something very beautiful for the introduction "My great hope is that a little bit of insight into the mathematics of love might just inspire you to have a little bit more love for mathematics." Mathematics is the language of nature. It is the foundation stone upon which every major scientific and technological achievement of the modern era has been built. It is alive, and it is thriving. this wonderfully perceptive, nostalgic tale... is an enthralling and beautifully written romance.” - Psychologies She adds the important caveat that a healthy relationship isn’t merely one in which both partners are comfortable complaining but also one in which the language of those complaints doesn’t cast the complainer as a victim of the other person’s behavior.Then, there are two tasks on vocabulary that appears in the speech. In the first one students have to match words with their definitions. Next, in the second exercise, they have to complete sentences. It is a good idea to do these tasks before watching the video as students can refer to them during watching. After that, there is a discussion about the speaker’s idea and tips about relationships. Finally, there is a sentence-making exercise which can be treated as homework. but Hannah's narration and the fact that she doesn't shy away from mentioning some of HER dating disasters as well, is what won me over. The equations for the husband follow the same pattern: h, r HH t, and I HM are his mood when he’s on his own, his mood when he’s with his wife, and the influence his wife has on his next reaction, respectively. I didn't necessarily find this book helpful but that's unfair to the book since I wasn't exactly looking or expecting it to help me. What I did find was a thoroughly entertaining non-fiction read that attempted to quantify something most people consider to be a gut feeling: Love. Now the whole book was not about finding the one. Though it did touch on the mathematics on how to improve one's odds to 37% by rejecting the right amount of people by a certain age. All of which are really great conditions for running away from a predator, or fighting aggressively to protect the tribe. And survival. So when you have less blood in the periphery you create what Malcolm Gladwell calls a bloodless armor that lets you strike without really bleeding too much, or run away without hurting yourself too much. But in the context of a discussion with somebody you love clearly this DPA is not very functional. And we found in fact that physiological arousal is one of the best predictors of what happens to that relationship. That's why it predicts.
The Mathematics of Love by Dr Hannah Fry of University College London, claims that finding the one isn't chemically-driven, biologically-motivated or even astrologically-determined. No it's a numbers game Daily Telegraph It tells you that if you are destined to date ten people in your lifetime, you have the highest probability of finding The One when you reject your first four lovers (where you’d find them 39.87 percent of the time). If you are destined to date twenty people, you should reject the first eight (where Mister or Miz Right would be waiting for you 38.42 percent of the time). And, if you are destined to date an infinite number of partners, you should reject the first 37 percent, giving you just over a one in three chance of success. In negative relationships, however, the situation is reversed. Bad behavior is considered the norm: “He’s always like that,” or “Yet again. She’s just showing how selfish she is.” Instead, it’s the positive behavior that is considered unusual: “He’s only showing off because he got a pay raise at work. It won’t last,” or “Typical. She’s doing this because she wants something. What I have added to this field of emotion is my concept of "met-emotion," or how people feel about feelings, what their history is with specific emotions like pride, respect or disrespect, love, fear, anger, sadness. What their philosophy is about emotions and why they have this philosophy. It's critical to parenting and to couple relationships as well. It determines emotional behavior in families. And with my former students Lynn Katz and Dan Yoshimoto the study of meta-emotion now is providing us with new tools for changing families.
an absorbing historical novel of love and war... Linked themes between the narratives flower - painting versus photography, female liberation versus repression, the complexities of love”. - The Guardian For the past eight years I've been really involved, working with my amazingly talented wife, trying to put these ideas together and use our theory so that it that helps couples and babies. And we now know that these interventions really make a big difference. We can turn around 75 percent of distressed couples with a two-day workshop and nine sessions of marital therapy. These are couples that have waited as long as six years to get any kind of help. So it's a considerably deteriorated situation. In his sublime definition of love, playwright Tom Stoppard painted the grand achievement of our emotional lives as “knowledge of each other, not of the flesh but through the flesh, knowledge of self, the real him, the real her, in extremis, the mask slipped from the face.” But only in fairy tales and Hollywood movies does the mask slip off to reveal a perfect other. So how do we learn to discern between a love that is imperfect, as all meaningful real relationships are, and one that is insufficient, the price of which is repeated disappointment and inevitable heartbreak? Making this distinction is one of the greatest and most difficult arts of the human experience — and, it turns out, it can be greatly enhanced with a little bit of science. El capítulo 4, las citas por internet, habla del algoritmo de emparejamiento de OKCupid y de cómo conseguir un "porcentaje de match" de una manera coherente basada en las preferencias de los candidatos (y de cómo es recomendable usar medias geométricas en lugar de aritméticas en estos casos). MUY entretenido.
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